{Thursday} February 4, 2010

I heard something today that is SO very true.

"People don't change because of what they know. People change because of what they feel"

So so true, and it couldn't be more true for me right now. Everyone knows that people die . . . of course our loved ones will not be around forever and neither will we! But what do we do about it? Love deeper, live more fully? No. Not a thing . . . because it's like cancer or fatal car accidents . . . that happens to everyone else. Could never happen to me. 

I must say, if I was on the outside and heard Charish's story . . . a 35 year old woman who's heart suddenly gave out with no warning, stopped breathing and then wasn't found until she was dead for up to 20 minutes . . . was brought back and was on life support for 5 days and finally had to be let go, leaving behind her 3 very young kids, making her 30 year old husband a widower . . . I would have instantly felt awful and been so grateful that it wasn't MY sister. I might call her a couple times and say I love you, but then life would go on and I would probably push that awful thought into the back of my mind. Because it could. never. happen to me.

But it HAS happened to me and I couldn't possibly be any more broken. I have definitely felt what it's like to have my life be happy, fine, and normal and then instantly with NO warning have it ripped away. 

For that reason alone, I am absolutely, all the way focused on making all of my relationships stronger. I am going to call more often, & take more pictures with my loved ones {because those billions of pictures I have with Charish I will treasure for. ever}. Life is different. It TOTALLY sucks that she's gone, but {horribly} she is gone, so while I HATE that fact, I plan on learning something from this horrific experience and live more fully . . . for her . . . for her kids, and for me & my family. I KNOW she doesn't want me, or anyone else, to be so horribly depressed over her passing so quickly. I know it wont hurt like this forever . . . not sure when it's going to get any easier, but I plan on searching for some sort of meaning . . . because I'm sinking fast and can't live with this pain for much longer. I will always hurt, and it will always feel empty and lonely without her around . . . I just need to pick up and figure out a way to grow from this.

We all know we aren't here forever . . . let's squeeze our loved one's just a bit tighter today. And for those loved one's too far away, make sure they know you love them. I was lucky enough to have a tender mercy the day she was taken from us. I saw her . . . laughed and cried with her . . . and we both said I love you. There was no wondering how she felt about me, and no regrets that I didn't let her know I love her . . . because she knew, and so did I, and I am SO extremely grateful for that! Life is so short . . . and sometimes it's much much shorter than normal . . . and no one, not even you, is exempt from that.