Love . . . Always Finds a Way to Change Things

{Tuesday} September 20, 2011

Okay, I have to tell you. I am exHAUSted!!! Sunday night Porter was not a happy guy. He went from whining for a few hours to full blown screaming during the middle of the night . . . so much that I was really worried. Around midnight I packed him up and took him to the ER, only to find that when we walked in he was a new boy. Flirting with all of the nurses and all smiles for the doctor. Go.figure. He most likely was suffering from some sort of indigestion or something?? He ended up not sleeping well that night after we got home. I'm sure I got a good 45 minute stretch of sleep in there somewhere, but nothing that actually felt like sleep. Then last night I think his two little bottom teeth that are yet to pop through the gum kept him up all night, yet again. So I literally haven't slept longer than an hour at a time since Saturday night. I'm having a R.O.U.G.H. day. I almost lost it when Charlise couldn't remember what sound 't' makes after telling her three times already. {By the way, she has known that sound for a few weeks now . . . still no reason to even slightly get upset about it!} Needless to say, exhaustion is kicking in. I just put Charly down for a nap, came down to the computer and found this little gem:

"I <3 you, Mom"

Really, Hannah. You just turned my entire day around. You are the sweetest little girl! Thank you!!

*This obviously was on Sunday . . . hence the tornado that went through the living room. Disregard the mess! Akk!

AHA Heart Walk 2011

{Saturday} September 17, 2011

About 6 months ago I found online that there was a walk here in San Diego {in Balboa Park . . . beautiful!} for the American Heart Association. Hannah and I had been making bracelets to sell and donate the money to the AHA, and when I came across this heart walk I decided that {seeing as it's an annual event} this would be the perfect thing for us to participate in. The girls were really struggling with their Aunt Charish passing away and I thought that focusing their energy to something good would divert their attention a bit and make something good out of something so devastating for them. In return I learned how much I really needed some healing as well. This process of planning & holding fundraising events and raising money has been hugely healing for me. My goal was to help my girls and it ended up helping all of us. Win. Win.

Our goals: raise $1,000 and recruit 20 people to walk with us.

What we ended up with: raised $1,457 and recruited 36 people. Awesome! I love these people so much. They {along with countless other people who weren't able to come} have supported me throughout this entire time . . . I couldn't have done it without them.

 

My mom, and Lindsay Evans stayed up with me last night and helped me make "thank you's" to everyone who came. Just a small baggie of Hugs and Kisses for all of their help.

 We got up before the sun to make it in time. The walk started bright and early. My great kids! Reha {7}, Porter {9 months}, Charlise {3}, and Hannah {10}. I can't wait to share this walk with them every year. They are such amazing kids. 

 *melt*

Lindsay and Daylynn Evans came from Irvine to walk with us. Lindsay is one of my dearest friends and has been there for me through every inch of my life {good, bad and horrific} since I met her 4 years ago. I'm so lucky to have friends like her!!

Charlise and Daylynn

Hannah, Porter, Reha, Josh and Jake {my sister's two boys}

Josh, Jake and Jason

 Nephew, Justin and sister in-law Becky {This woman has totally stepped up and has made sure I don't go without my "sister" time. Losing my only sister would have been so much worse if I didn't have her in my life!}

 Two of my nephews, Gage and Justin

My friend, Stacy and her mom.

Charish's god-daughter, Tiffany, Sal and their new baby girl, Charish Maria.

My friend Megan and her family.

Charish's friends, Niki and Rodney

Sister in-law, Kathie and Wade's brother, Rick {I love this picture of them playing with Porter. I LOVE seeing how much they love each other in this picture.}

My man supporting me every step of the way. One. Awesome. Dude.

 My neighbor growing up, Lyndsay King, and her boys Talan and Gavin.

Another sister in-law, Andrea and her crew, Cameron, Clare, Wyatt, and Tag. {I am SO lucky to have such a big, supportive family!}

 My brother, Ian, and his daughter, Jayna.

 Starting out . . . 

I found myself drifting behind everyone, watching them as they walked together. It felt so good to watch so many people that I love out there walking simply because I asked them to. I felt the spirit so strong as I walked alone behind my group. I know, as much as I know anything, that Charish was back there walking with me. It's such a big feeling when I have moments like that. {I've only felt her this strong two other times. Once at the cemetery . . . I blogged about it HERE . . . and once in the temple when I was late for my niece, Aubrey's endowment session}. I use the word 'big' because I don't know how else to describe it. It consumes me and I can't help but smile and feel like crying at the same time . . . cry because I'm sad and happy. So weird. I love that I felt her there. I knew she'd be there, but didn't know if I'd be so wrapped up in everything that I wouldn't feel her. So glad that we had our own little moment together. 

 I wish you could really tell from this picture just how many people were there. It was powerful to see so many people there for the same reasons.

 3.1 miles later.

 My cute mom was there too!

 Team Charish's Hope!

 It really wouldn't have been the same without Lindsay there. She was there to watch my kids all night when Charish collapsed and hasn't been far since. I love her SO much! {She also blogged about the walk HERE}

 At the end of the walk they had a t-shirt design contest, so Hannah went up to represent our team. She did such a great job. Such a brave girl to get up in front of everyone.

Thank you to everyone who donated money and/or came to the walk. You have helped fill a hole that was a tough one to fill. I love you . . . each of you. I will never forget how every one of you stepped up to lift me and my family.
XOXO Forever,
Lyric

Rest in Peace . . .

Cleaning out the garage on Saturday Wade decided it was time to get rid of his precious shoes. I know it must have been a difficult choice, but it was about time!! If you know Wade, you know that he is obsessed with disc golfing. He and his brothers {and occasionally his friends} go every Saturday morning and any other possible chance they can get. It has been fun watching him improve his scores and get excited and weak in the knees over a new disc. He always wears these nasty shoes. Deciding whether it was time to get rid of them he said, "These shoes have seen a LOT of good disc golf!" After wiping his tears, helping him blow his nose, and calming his sobs we decided to take a picture for one last memory. {Okay, so I'm kidding . . . I'm thinking maybe there was a little of that held back though . . . ha}. Rest in peace stinky shoes!!

Sunday Night Full of Company

 {Sunday} September 4, 2011

Yesterday morning I went with Rick, Kathie and their kids to La Jolla to take their family pictures. They weren't able to come by last night so they stopped by tonight to look at their pictures. It was a quick visit but it was so nice to be able to see Darren, Aubrey, and Carly before they headed back to Idaho to go back to school. Aubrey loves Porter!! It's so cute to see how much she adores him. I'm so sad to see them go!! Such sweet "big" cousins!

Right after they went home the Wallins came over to play games and have dessert. We always love having them over . . . it's fun even when we don't do anything. They're really good friends . . . so grateful to have them in my life. While we were playing the girls were playing "music school." Hannah just started band this week and she has been practicing her violin non stop. I love her enthusiasm . . . I just hope it stays!! She has always loved music and has been looking forward to taking band in school since she was in 1st or 2nd grade. She is one happy girl!! They were so cute and came to show us the song they made up. Goofy girls!!

{I love Brinna's glasses! haha} It was a fun night . . . as usual! Holly made some really yummy zucchini bread and Wade made some red velvet cupcakes {only we didn't have any red food coloring so he used pink . . . thus we had "Pinkalicious" cupcakes}. We sat and played games until about midnight . . . party. animals! ha

While we were playing I got a text from my sister in-law, Becky, and for the first time in a really long time, when I heard my phone "ding" I wondered for an instant if it was Charish. It was such a blow when it hit me that it couldn't be, that it took my breath away and I had to fight back tears for a second. It happened a LOT when she first died . . . I was even known to pick up the phone and call her getting as far as hearing it ring before it would hit me . . . but it felt weird for it to happen again! So strange. I miss her so bad it aches. It only took me a minute or two to snap back into the fun of playing games . . . so grateful that it's getting a little easier to cope with moments like that.