Porter's {Blessing} Day

{Sunday} January 2, 2011

This morning started out great. Porter & I went to church for the first time since he was born (which alone was nice) and his amazing daddy gave him such a beautifully touching blessing. I've never heard any baby blessing be so sweet. The part that stands out to me the most is when he said that Porter was sent to heal me from the heartache of losing Charish. I've never thought of it that way, but it's so true. He has filled that ugly, gaping hole that has been taking over my heart for the last 12 months. Most of the family who lives close was able to come and be a part of his special day. The priesthood holders who stood with Wade in the circle were Bill, Rick, Paul, Bryce, and our good friend, Aaron Evans. Afterwards everyone (along with our friends, Chris & Shelly Sanchez) came to our house and had munchies for lunch and visited while the kids ran around and got their crazies out.

Even in the midst of such a great day, I can't help but be a little heavy. It's just another "first" for me without Charish. I'm running out of firsts and I couldn't be more happy that I wont have to deal with too many more. Firsts suck. There's just that empty feeling, like she should be here but she's not . . . but then when I sit back quietly and think about her I know she really is here . . . I just selfishly want to have things the way they were. Okay, enough whining. It's crazy to me to think about where we were a year ago today. We got "the" phone call the night before and this day when I got to the hospital I was told that she wasn't going to make it. Out of all of the days that engulfed that hellish week, this was the worst . . . even harder than the day that we actually stood by her bed and let her go. I guess the days that followed this one prepared me for that . . . nothing could prepare me to be shocked into the realization that I would never see my sister alive again (being on life support didn't count). And now look where the year has taken us! We just had a blissful day celebrating our sweet new baby. What a serious 180! I feel so blessed and completely overjoyed to have this sweet "healer" come into my life. I absolutely needed him.