{Owning} it!

I've been stuck. For a year. Pathetic. I thought I wasn't . . . that I had "gotten over" {whatever that means} my slump after Charish passed away . . . but no. I keep catching myself in hysterics over the littlest things. The other day Charlise got a gift bag out of my wrapping box that Charish had given Hannah a gift in {that's right, I'm a re-bagger} and I about lost it because she wrinkled it. What?! So stupid that I'm still trying to hold onto anything I possibly can that even remotely has to do with her in some way. I'm in a different place than I was a year ago . . . the pain isn't so breathtaking . . . but I am still unbelievable broken. I think about her and my stomach gets in knots and my eyes well up. Can't WAIT to think about her and smile. Sometimes I do . . . especially if the girls bring her up. I try to keep things light with them and let them have their moment without me dramatizing it . . . but mostly I just get that empty feeling.

So . . . what to do about it . . .

I've been thinking a lot about things I want to improve about myself. New Years always does that to me. And the main thing I came up with . . . I have GOT to start owning things about myself . . . everything! No matter how hard life can be. I have had a lot of trials in my life . . . a lot of things that have been extremely difficult to overcome. So the way that I "deal" with them . . . I smile and pretend that I'm over them and move on. What I've learned recently is that I'm far from "over" the things that have happened to me. I. have. to. own them so that I can deal with them and move on the right way! And I know, without a single doubt, that once I get the Spirit back in my life all the way I can prayerfully deal with some old issues and be ready to tackle the new ones that are undeniably going to come.

So here we go . . . my resolutions {I know, I month late . . . but they HAVE been on my mind, just never actually wrote them down}:

1. BACK TO THE BASICS!!! Prayer, scripture study, FHE . . . all of it. How hard is that?! So easy, but I seem to make it hard. Weird.

2. Get in shape! It's been a long time since I've felt good inside . . . I mean like, going up the stairs and not getting winded, good. I'm what I call a "skinny fat girl". Can't wait to improve on this! 

3. Run a 5K. Already committed to one on March 5th . . . great way to turn 31 . . . checking off a resolution!

4. Run a half marathon . . . if I don't die trying to run the 5K.

5. Draw at least one piece a month.

6. Get in touch with my loved ones, even the ones I feel like I'm somewhat in "touch" with. Last year I made this resolution after my grandmother died . . . before Charish died . . . and just never did it. 

7. Spend more time playing with the girls and less time griping at them. I truly believe that a family who plays together, stays together.

8. Open an Etsy shop to sell some handmade things.

9. Get my personal blog and my craft blog back up and running.

10. Take more pictures and video of everything. I really wish my parents had done this . . . so while I'm doing it for myself, ultimately I'm doing it for my posterity. 

11. Come what may, and LOVE it!!

Okay.

I think that's enough. And I think the best time to start is right now. Going to join a gym and start working out in the morning. Wish me luck!!